"The Eyebleeder Prophecies"

 Just got internet access at home again. In celebration/boredom, I found myself browsing through my Twitter archives. Most of it is nonsense about fire and hornets and NyQuil, but I did find something of an accidental story buried in it's gnarled and tangled form. I present to you now, "The Eyebleeder Prophecies".

Attempting The Fonz's magic fistbump on shitty printer with lackluster results. Must drink more mercury in order to simulate his powers. 11:20 AM Jul 21st from web

Ingested my body weight in toxic waste, but I still don't have The Fonz's powers. I can shoot blood out of my eyes now though. At will. 2:55 PM Jul 21st from web

Went out for a pack of smokes. Used my eyeblood shooting power to fend off hobos. The trashlurkers worship me now. I can hear their prayers. 11:25 PM Jul 22nd from web

Watching the sky go black. Hoping for ill omens. 2:05 PM Jul 31st from web

The homeless insane are burning pigeons and stray cats in sacrifice to me. Don't yell at me. I didn't ask them to do it. It was their idea. 3:07 PM Aug 1st from web

The filth-shrines the hobos are building in my likeness are flattering in a nightmare-inducing sort of way. Again, I did not encourage this. 12:15 PM Aug 4th from web

Trash sculptures of me are showing up all around Chicago. Silent, yet imposing. A warning of things to come. The daywalkers grow nervous. 2:03 PM Aug 4th from web

The daywalkers plead for me to stop my hobo minions and their sinister devices. "I can't." I tell the daywalkers, "I gave them free will." 3:25 PM Aug 5th from web

The filth idols are everywhere. Children cry at the sight of them. Pigeons and rats are piled at their bases, dead from unknown reasons. 10:40 AM Aug 6th from web

People are trying to destroy the statues, but they remain unscathed. The attackers go mad afterwards. This is the opposite of a miracle. 3:51 PM Aug 6th from web

People are saying that if you go near the sculptures, you can hear a faint whispering - cold and emotionless - in the back of your mind. 9:57 PM Aug 6th from web

Most of it's indecipherable, but people have reportedly picked out the words "Endless Wrath", "Eyebleeder", and various Huey Lewis lyrics. 10:49 PM Aug 6th from web

Chicago woke today to find the trash sculptures hovering in place a little over a foot above the ground. Honestly, I'm slightly concerned. 8:46 AM Aug 7th from web

At approximately 2:45 PM, the trash-idols began to float/hover to the east. Slow and methodical; in unison, like a funeral march. 2:53 PM Aug 7th from web

The idols seemed to have reached their destination. Lined up upon the shores of Lake Michigan, their synchronous hum is nigh-deafening. 9:10 PM Aug 7th from web

As onlookers and hobo-minions watched in awe, the trash statues descended into the waters. Their humming slowly faded, leaving only silence. 9:41 PM Aug 7th from web

After some time, everyone left save for the trashlurkers. They said a bizarre prayer at the shore, then burst into flames. Nothing remains. 10:13 PM Aug 7th from web

Dreamed the trash statues rose from the lake, which had turned black from bile and ichor, and heralded the final days of man. Spoiler alert. 8:22 AM Aug 8th from web